I don't want to wait
by joiedevivre2011
Summary: At Korsak's wedding, a conversation between Jane and Korsak forces Jane and Maura to finally acknowledge things they'd been ignoring for far too long. [one-shot, mostly romance, a dash of angst]
One-shot. Mostly fluff, hint of angst. :) I hope you like it!

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"A PhD in Vince Korsak, huh?" the elder detective said as he lightly elbowed her in her side, a pint glass clutched in his hand.

Jane chuckled and nodded before taking a sip from her own drink. "Yeah, somethin' like that. We've been through hell together over the years. Kinda figure we should know each other pretty damn well by now."

"Yeah, not to mention you've got a knack for staying in trouble one way or another," he replied heavily.

After a few moments considering whether or not she wanted to be offended, she knew he meant no harm and shrugged as she simply replied, "Eh, comes with the job."

"A lot of things do. Good and bad."

"And there's been a _lot_ of bad," Jane agreed.

"But don't let it all make you miss the good," Korsak said. "There's been a lot of that too. If I can manage to somehow find Kiki despite it all, anything is possible."

"I'm glad you're happy, Vince." Jane took a sip of her beer. "You deserve it more than anyone these days."

"You do too, you know. Deserve happiness."

With a sigh she said, "I _am_ happy. Most of the time anyway." As she kept looking forward, she smiled to herself, thinking of the happiness she did have. Her job, her mother, Frankie, and Tommy and TJ, even if they weren't around anymore. And Maura.

 _Maura_.

At the look on his old partner's face, Korsak contemplated how to mention what he suspected was on her mind. "Ya know, now that I think about it, I think I've got a PhD in Jane Rizzoli."

"Yeah? What have Doctor Korsak's studies revealed about me?"

"A lot of things over the years, but right now, your speech said a lot that nobody understood, except maybe Doctor Isles."

At the mention of her best friend's name, the woman felt a flutter in her chest. The same one she almost always felt when someone said her name. Warmth seemed to crawl its way out of her heart and spread through her entire body.

"You think you're never gonna find someone to look at you the way Kiki and I look at each other, or someone for you to look at that way, but you want it. I know you do," he pressed.

"But maybe this is all I'm meant to have." She gestured vaguely around them. "This job, surrounded by my family and friends."

"You're a damn fine detective, Jane, and you've surrounded yourself with good people, but you really believe this is all you're supposed to have?" Korsak shook his head in disbelief.

Jane took a sip of beer and shrugged.

"Take it from someone who just recently could've gotten blown to pieces - stop wasting time and stop being a coward."

The older detective's harsh words caught Jane by surprise and her head whipped around toward him.

"You had someone looking at you that way long before I even knew Kiki. And I've caught that look on your face just as much." He tipped his beer bottle toward her. "Don't pretend you don't know who I'm talking about either." After a pause and pointed look, he said, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go dance with my new wife. You should face the music."

As he crossed the room to steal Kiki away from another guest, a weight settled heavily in Jane's chest while she watched Korsak lead the woman to the middle of the dance floor.

"They make a beautiful couple, don't they?" came a soft, melodic voice.

Eyes closed and a smile crossed the brunette's lips for a moment as a warm sensation flooded through her again. Jane looked at her best friend as she sat beside her. "They do," she agreed.

"I liked your toast as best man. Very poignant despite its brevity and simplicity."

"Thanks," Jane said quietly, returning her gaze to the newlywed couple. She sighed longingly. "Look how happy they are."

Maura's eyes never left Jane's face. She knew something was weighing on her best friend's mind. Outside of work, Jane didn't have much of a poker face. Maura suspected it stemmed from having to be in control of emotions and reactions so much. It could be exhausting, something she knew from her own experience. "What about you? Are you happy?"

"I'm happy they're happy." Classic deflection. She gave Maura a wistful smile.

"I would expect nothing less, but that isn't what I asked you," the blonde said.

Just when Maura thought Jane wasn't going to answer, Jane quietly replied, "I want that, ya know? I want someone to look at me the way Kiki and Korsak look at each other."

"Nobody has ever looked at you like that?" Maura's heart started beating quickly.

An eyebrow quirked upwards immediately. "You been talkin' to Korsak?"

"Not much this evening no, but I'm serious. Do you really believe nobody has ever looked at you like that?" she repeated her question.

"I don't know." A whispered confession as Jane looked down at her drink. She moved her thumb back and forth on the glass, the condensation letting it slide easily.

Though fearful of the consequences, Maura decided she had to take the plunge. It was beyond time. "Why are you so afraid?"

"Afraid? I'm not afraid," Jane denied, looking up to meet saddened hazel eyes.

"Yes, you are," Maura countered. "You're afraid of this, of _me_." Tears pricked her eyes. "Why? I don't understand _why_." The words came out slightly choked.

Ashamed, the brunette averted her gaze back to her pint glass.

"You can't even admit it, can you?" A lump formed quickly in Maura's throat. "I can't wait forever for you to make up your mind." Maura bit her lip to keep it from trembling. "It isn't fair for you to try and make me."

The very second the words began to leave her mouth, Jane knew it was a bad idea, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. "I'm not trying to _make_ _you_ do _anything_."

Hurt flashed in Maura's eyes. "Jane Rizzoli, you are without a doubt the most stubborn person I know, and right now, you're being the biggest asshole I know." The blonde slid out of the booth suddenly, her jaw clenched as she hurried away.

"Maura, wait," the other woman said, sliding out of the booth as quickly as she could in her dress. She didn't understand how Maura managed to move so quickly all the time in such tight clothing. And damn her higher-than-normal heels. She almost felt like a baby trying to walk for the first time - a little unbalanced and uncertain. But still, she walked as quickly as she could behind her best friend, trying to catch up. Thankfully nobody was paying any attention to them.

Maura's hand had touched the restroom door before Jane finally reached her and her long fingers wrapped around a thin wrist to pull the other woman backwards. The doctor spun around, pulling herself free from her best friend's grasp. "Don't you dare humiliate me in public right now." Despite the anger swirling in her eyes, there were still tears in them.

Taking a deep breath, Jane quietly said, "I don't want to talk about _this_ in a bathroom."

"I don't want to talk about this _at all_ ," Maura replied. "Not anymore."

"Please, Maura. I just..." Jane didn't have a clue how to express her feelings.

"You just what? Think I don't look at you like that? Think _you_ don't look at _me_ like that? We have been dancing around this for quite awhile now. Years, even." Maura took a shuddering breath. "I'm _exhausted_ and if you're going to try to tell me none of it is true, then I guess either I'm the biggest fool, or you're the biggest liar."

Ashamed, Jane bowed her head and swallowed hard. Of course it was all true. But to Jane, jumping into it put everything in life at stake and the fear of jeopardizing their lives, their careers, well, wouldn't it be better not to risk them? She'd never been more hesitant to do something in her entire life, the opposite of how she normally was.

"Is it because I'm a woman? Because we work together? Because you're afraid that if what we have somehow falls apart, you wouldn't be able to survive it?" Maura breathed in deeply to calm herself. "If that last one is the case, you're not alone. I'm terrified, but I want this _anyway_. We've been through more trials and tribulations since the beginning of our friendship than most people do in an entire lifetime. I think we have everything it takes to make this work, no matter what comes along."

"I don't want to talk about this even in _front_ of the bathroom," Jane said quietly before she finally looked up and reached for Maura's hand. "At least come with me to the back room."

Considering it for several moments, jaw clenched as she started into Jane's eyes, Maura finally agreed and let the other woman lead her there.

Once inside with the door closed, the tall brunette turned around and met Maura's eyes. She took a deep breath and tried to collect her thoughts. The proper words were of the utmost importance right now. "I love you, dammit! I'm so in love with you that the thought of us _not_ being us paralyzes me. You are so ingrained in my life that you are part of who I am. Without you, I can't be me."

The indignation Maura had when she stormed away from Jane dissipated.

"You are a large part of what keeps me going in life, and maybe that's unhealthy, but that's how it is." With another breath, Jane said, "And maybe I could one day figure out how to live without you if I absolutely had to, but I sure as hell don't ever want to."

"Then we can't keep doing what we're doing, Jane." Maura stepped closer, and when Jane didn't retreat, she took yet another step. She first brought one hand to Jane's shoulder before slowly bringing the other to rest lightly on the opposite side. "We have to let this be what it is."

Jane hesitantly placed her hands on Maura's hips. Their torsos pressed together when she leaned back slightly keep looking at the smaller woman. "What if we screw this up?"

"I don't like what if's," the blonde immediately replied. "But if we screw it up, we'll work through it, just like we've always done."

"You're gonna get sick of me."

"Then I'll get some medicine to make me feel better." Maura smiled.

"I'm probably gonna make you mad a lot," Jane continued.

"You already make me mad a lot," Maura countered. "But at least we could have angry sex."

The brunette snickered.

"And then we could have good make-up sex."

Another snicker.

"But don't you dare pick a fight with me just so we can have angry sex and make-up sex."

Jane gasped in offense. "I would never!"

Maura raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, maybe I would," Jane said sheepishly. "But why are we talking about this when we haven't even _had_ sex yet?"

"Good point."

"As much as I want to kiss you right now, the supply room at the Dirty Robber isn't really where I want our first kiss to happen." Jane lifted her right hand and looked over Maura's arm to check her watch. "Been here about two and a half hours. Is it too early to leave?" Her hand returned to Maura's hip.

"I don't want to wait." Quickly the blonde stood on her toes and pressed her lips to her best friend's. Though light at first, when Jane began responding, she deepened the kiss and tingles trickled down her spine. She felt it between her thighs, and even though it made no scientific sense, she felt it in every cell in her body.

It was phenomenal.

It was magical.

It was...interrupted.

"Maura, Jane, are you-okay, wow, you two are makin' out!"

Immediately Jane and Maura jumped apart, eyes wide as they looked toward the doorway.

Gesturing back over her shoulder, drink in her other hand, Nina said, "I'm just gonna…" as she spun around and walked back out, letting the door close behind her.

"Well shit." Jane swiped at her mouth. "That's gonna be awkward."

"At least it wasn't Frankie, or worse, your mother," the blonde pointed out, rubbing her thumb along the edges of her lips to clear any smudged lipstick.

"Okay, yeah, Nina's absolutely the best person to have walked in on us then." Jane's eyes widened in panic. "She won't tell, right? Do you think she'll tell? I hope she doesn't tell. Shit, what if she tells? I can't have Ma find out about us like this!"

Maura smiled and pulled the taller woman back toward her. "Nina isn't going to tell on us. That woman can keep quiet. I know from experience."

"Oh really?" Jane quirked an eyebrow.

"I've talked to her a couple of times about some things, and she's a private person, Jane. Think about how much you know about her personal life and life before she moved to Boston. Not much, so she would understand better than anyone out there." Maura paused, then added, "Except maybe Kiki. She's a life coach after all."

Jane took a deep breath. "Okay, so we just go back out there like everything's the same, stay for a little bit longer, and then find an excuse to leave? Is that the plan right now?"

With a single nod and a smile, Maura confirmed, "That's the plan right now if you want it to be."

"And later?"

Maura placed a light kiss to Jane's lips. "Well later, if you'd like, I can take you home." She looked Jane in the eye. "Get you out of this dress." A smirk. "And we make up for lost time."

"These are both very good plans," Jane agreed. She then kissed the shorter woman gently, sweetly, and they both smiled into the kiss. "Okay, the sooner we get out there, the sooner we can get home."

When her soon-to-be lover turned toward the door and tried to tug her along, Maura pulled her back and cupped Jane's face before kissing her soundly, a promise and reassurance of everything to come. The intensity of the kiss shocked them both and Jane broke away to look curiously at Maura. "I love you. Never ever doubt that."

Though she knew her facial expression acknowledged the sentiments, Jane merely lifted a hand to Maura's face and ran her thumb along a full bottom lip. "Your lipstick got smudged again."

Understanding Jane's need to lighten the mood, Maura simply replied, "Go fix yours in the restroom before you go back out there. Well, I should say go wipe _my_ lipstick off. It definitely isn't your shade."

"Ten minutes in and you're already insulting me," Jane joked. "Thanks, Maura. Love you too."


End file.
